IS not (only) about what you say
Is about how you say it… and
Is about what you do
This apply to small kids but not only. The words have unbelievable power but the tone, the vibration and energy can create effects for long term.
Related to kids
Since they left brain is not yet fully connected with the right brain up to 7 years old, namely the logical brain with the creative brain, the kids are reading rather our energy.
This is the reasons why they are learning to do what we do rather than what we tell them to do. They are instinctively learning, by seeing us, how to deal with different items such as people, problems, situations, even money.
The kids will understand (most of the times misunderstand) some of your reactions and this will create inside them emotions that shape further behaviors. This continues even after the age of 7.
For example: if the kid is asking for money in a moment that you are tired, nervous, stressed and you are refusing the kid using a furious tone on your voice, the kid can feel bad about, feel scared, feel humiliated, feel guilty and if this is repeating, down on his/her brain can register the information that asking for money can lead to this bad feelings.
If parents are fighting for money, the kid can feel guilty about his/her needs, for example if they need money for school they will feel ashamed to ask and they will feel , and this will be a blockage in their life as adults, that asking for money can hurt someone you love.
Read also the article (click on the link) Stop the STOP !
As we grow and mature
As humans, we intend to avoid anything that hurts us.
Therefore, if asking for money put us in a bad position at a certain moment (most probably we cannot even remember the moment but the feeling is alive), we will not do it even if:
- Is out money, that maybe we lend them to someone who forgot to reimburse them;
- We deserve a raise in the salary but this means for us to ask for it;
- We are freelancers or entrepreneurs and we need to establish the price for our products and services;
- We would like to have a negotiation related to a service or a product for example buying a car with down payment, buying bulk for our business, renewing the contract with a provider after being a good customer for years aso
The pain we felt time ago has built in our brain a barrier, we may not even realize it. Reading articles, participating in trainings, in discussions, seeing a movie and so on we may realize we have a blockage related to this subject.
Or you simply find yourself saying …. I was never able to “<your explanation>” and then asking yourself …. But why?
How to overpass the blockage
First step is to realize it, by analyzing your behavior different than others.
Sometime you can identify this kind of things by seeing what is bothering you in another person – read about mirroring effect.
Second step is to take measures to overpass it:
- go to training,
- talk with people that can do what you cannot,
- go to therapy,
- ask your partner help since from your side you act emotional and your partner/friend can spot it out for you faster.
You have to understand the emotion you felt as a young kid and to replace it with mature voice, to understand that it was not about you, to delete the same and guilt.
Read also (click on the link) Mirror mirror on the wall …. Tell me something new about me!
The kids up to 5 yo develop guilt and shame. Since they are egocentric they feel guilty for things they cannot yet understand. If an adult didn’t explain the reasons of a refusal for example, the kid could register in the mind the incident as being something harmful and further to avoid doing anything that puts him/her into the same feelings.
In time we develop resilience, is a way for the brain to cover some details in order to protect ourselves. Still, some money behavior we don’t like, have the root in the early age.
Read also (click on the link) Who am I if I give up?
The rest of the steps: one by one, change cannot be done overnight.
Your brain already has some neuronal connections done. You need to create new habits in order to replace the old ones. Sometimes, by identifying the emotion behind and reanalyzing it is much easier and faster to overpass a behavior, sometimes more work is needed.
So keep in mind, every time you are in a negative vibration, more than what you say, how you say it and what you do can create a long term consequence.
Step aside, calm down, and say your words with the tone you intend to say it, being aware of the power of your words.